In my “previous life” - as I like to call it - I had a glimpse of what my life could look like…healthy and loving marriage, new home, and a family of 3.  In a MATTer of weeks, it was all taken away. My person, my husband, our child’s Daddy tragically died at the age of 32 of a rare genetic disease called Wilson’s Disease. We had no clue he had this.  6 weeks later I found myself alone as a 33 year old widow, solo and first-time parent of a 14 month old, and lost beyond an unfathomable measure.

 

His name is Matthew (I usually call him Matt) and he is one of the best humans I have ever known. I carry him with me every day in the way I live life… true to myself and how I teach our child this same core value. I share my story because he deserves to be remembered.  He deserves to be loved.  I share my story because the old “me” deserves to be remembered.  She deserves to be loved.

 

It was easy to believe my story MATTered when my life seemed to be everything I had always wanted.  Creating a safe and loving family I could spend the rest of my life with.  I believed in that. You know what is fucking hard?  Believing that your story MATTers when the story you worked so hard to create takes an unpredictable, unimaginable, and undeniable twist.  I immediately stopped believing in myself.  I kept my story to myself because I didn’t think I MATTered anymore.  Nobody could possibly understand what I am going through so why talk about it? Why share it?

 

These were some of the darkest days of my entire life.  I couldn’t see one inch of light in front of my face.  I had never felt so alone AND so completely loved beyond measure before.  It took awhile, and eventually I found the courage and strength to let a select few into my dark hole with the hope I could find a way back out.  I shared my deepest emotions.  My scariest thoughts.  And the story of what happened to my husband.  Sharing my story and believing that it MATTered is what changed the course of my grief journey.  And thus my healing journey began.  I started to feel like the owner to the rights of my story again.  It feels so natural that the next part of my healing journey is to start sharing it with all of you.

 

I share my story because I believe the more we share, the more connected we feel. The more connected we feel, the less alone we feel. The less alone we feel, the increased amount of capacity we have to help others.  The more we help others, the stronger our sense of community.  The stronger sense of community, the happier and safer we feel.

 

My hope is that this will create a community of like-minded people who trust in the power of sharing their story…their voice…and their heart to inspire others to see and believe in their story.